Free Food!!

It's the departmental BBQ today. I thought I was early, I wasn't. But I still got my food. So yay for me! :)

Anyway, I'm feeling quite a lot better about my research today. :) Possibly because once I've implemented the "thing" (remember, I'm not supposed to talk about my research :P) I know that at least it's started, and I can actually start doing something about it. Nothing's worse than no knowing what to do next, and I think I'm slowly getting there.

I was looking at Friendsters before to have to look at who I can find there, through friends and friends of friends and all. It's amazing what kinda of people you find there, especially when you find people whom you lost contact with ages ago. Curiousity prompt me to at least send these people a "hi" message. But meh, I don't even know if they WANT to get in contact with me anyway. :P

Which got me thinking, how would people whom I lost contact with see me as I am now? Did I actually change much? Or did I just more or less stay where I was? Would they kidna expect me to land where I am now, or would it be completely out of the blue? Have I actually gone as far as I think I've gone?

One thing for sure though: I know I was scared of the integral sign back then, and now they're my friends! :P

Okay, maybe not "friends". Close enough. :)

I'm a little pea

I can't believe Petey wrote an entry just to cheer me up. *sigh*. That boy is unbelievable sometimes.

I think it's a very bad mix of disappointment and just a sense of loss recently. Somehow I can't seem to think I can do whatever it is that I need to do. It just seems like I'm "faking it" all the time, tricking people into thinking I know what I'm talking about.

Right now, I'm just tired. I wish I know how I'm actually doing sometimes. But then any measurement is subjective really isn't it? You cannot judge someone's achievement objectively, that just doesn't work.

Why is it I constantly crave recognition I'm not too sure. I just know that if I don't do well then I'm a failure. Blame it on my oh-so-wonderful fatehr who drilled it into me since I'm a kid that I have to be the best in everything.

And right now, I'm just really tired.

Nerves

I don't know why I'm nervous about tonight. It's only a prize giving thing for the poster competition. If I don't expect to win anything, I won't get disappointed. But you can't help but to expect to win something when you enter I guess. Somewhere deep down I still hope I'll win something I guess.

Spent the day so far doing nothing, and just reading and finding out what I have to do. Also went up to the robotics lab to muck around. :P Played some games on the PSP, and watched the first bit of the first episode of the new season of Lost :D (Yes Petey, I know what's in the hatch now. :P But I won't tell you don't worry :P)

Right, hopefully today I can at least get a little bit of coding done. :) Other than that, at least it'd be nice to do SOMETHING today... even if it's just reading. :P

Meeting people

Went to meet up with Davi for her graduation, and ended up just having a drink with her, and she was off to meet up with her family. So I ended up having lunch with her friend. And we just instantly became friends. It's funny how sometimes you can just meet someone through a friend and instantly click. (Petey and I met through friends too. Ah well :P)

Anyway, we were then talking about our study/work. She being a law graduate and me being an engineer, it's quite amazing how I couldn't imagine surviving in law, and she can't imagine working in engineering. But we are quite similar in a lot of ways. Odd.

Human is definitely an interesting species. :)

Lots of movies :D

Last weekend have been a bit of a movie feast, mostly because I can't be bothered doing anything else, so we just stayed home and watch things. :)

Battle Royale

We finally got around to watching it. It was actually better than I thought. I still love the video tape that they used to explain to the students what's happening. It was just... weird. But the movie was actually very good, and a bit less gory than I expected. :)

Silence of the Lamb

Also finally got around to watch that too. Read the book but never really got around to watch the film. Dad used to forbid me to watch anything scary and that's around the time when it came out I guess. But yeah, besides the fact that I'll always think the book is better (with the possible exception for Lord of the Rings), the movie was pretty good too I guess. It actually sticks with the book pretty well. :)

FLCL

Technically not to movie, but we watched all 6 epsiode in one go. I think calling it weird didn't quite cover it. It was... yes, strange. I'll still recommend that to people who enjoy something like Monty Python. Although it's not so much that it's not PC, it's more that... it's random. You can't help but to wonder how they came out with it. Watch it if you liek strange stuff as much as I do, but don't say I haven't warn you.

Underworld

I've already watched it in the cinema, but Pete hasn't. I thought I'll rent it out since he always wanted to see it. Probably the least noteworthy of this weekend's viewing, but meh: cool weapons and gothic clothes are all good. :)

Work and whatnot

Went to another counsellor meeting today, and talked about my culture issue problem. I think just by talking about it at least I can understand more about it. And the counsellor does help to understand the underlining problems with various thing. So that's good.

There's an overwhelming amount of work to be done these days, and it's hard to just get into it coz the maths is kinda icky. Hopefully after playing with a few things I can actually get somewhere. I think I have a vague idea of what has to be done, I just need to actually try to materialise it.

Also need to get ready for various competition. I was quite confident before but now I'm not too sure. Ah well, whatever will be, will be.

Various thoughts on "Happiness"

It's funny. I was going to write something on happiness, and the first thing I thought of was the song, and the various memories that went with it. It's funny how my mind works.

I still think life is all about the pursuit of happiness, which is a bit like bull fighting. You have to have the courage to just go for it, and grab hold of opportunities as it comes by, otherwise you're just going to end up being hurt.

Well, maybe not exactly like bull fighting.

I suppose it's a scary thought: to go for something that's outside of people's comfort zone, in order to pursuit this idea of happiness. But I suppose it's a risk you have to take if you want to be happy.

Life should be easier. I know.

Regarding the song: It's a sad song to start with. It doesn't hurt me too much anymore.